I’ve had a bit of free time lately and have spent it cleaning out my desk and the piles of things that have sprouted up around my apartment. Clearing out the chaos is very calming, and tidying things usually eases my anxiety. Every once in a while I’ll find a drawing or other piece of artwork that I forgot about. This time it was an old bucket list from 2013. Written in sharpie on a big piece of newsprint, it includes a lot of things I haven’t done yet, a couple I wish I hadn’t done, and a few that have been easily accomplished already.
I was expecting to feel more disappointed in myself, seeing the number of things that I haven’t done over six years later. While I still think some of them are pretty exciting aspirations (i.e. opening a feminist community space or showing my work in a major art institution because sure, why not) there were just as many that I’m not bothered by. They would’ve been fun, but the fact that I’m nowhere near achieving some of them is really not a big deal. Those things just aren’t as important to me or as exciting as they seemed back then.
You know what’s not on my bucket list? Most of the things I’m proud of in the past six years. They’re things that weren’t on my bucket list because I didn’t even consider them possible.
I’m not bragging, just trying to point out that you have NO idea what’s going to happen. Or what goals are actually going to turn into things that will sustain you and bring you actual happiness. I didn’t give up on parts of that list, some of those things just weren’t important anymore. And I’m glad I didn’t hold myself to some of them as if they were promises.
That bucket list did set a pretty high bar, and I’ll probably always swing for the bleachers, but now I just try to have a nice time laughing if I strike out.
As I’m sitting here thinking of what my goals could be for 2020, maybe I can just see where the chips fall? Maybe my personal goals should just be “go on tour and make more things.”
Can we also all make sure, collectively, that the terrible man selling those red hats gets evicted in 2020? Can we all agree to do that much?
Wherever you’re headed, trust your gut.
Year-End New Jersey Recommendation
If you’re from the Garden State, or even if you’ve just always wondered what the fuck is going on in Bayonne, I recommend listening to Chris Gethard’s new comedy special, Taylor Ham, Egg and Cheese: A Comedic Tribute to New Jersey. I started off the year reading his book Lose Well, so it seems like a fitting way to wrap it up. I still say it’s called “Pork Roll” but I don’t even eat meat so really, who cares?
I moved some things around and added songs from folks like Idles, Charly Bliss, Brian Fallon, Great Grandpa and American Television. Go listen and/or follow on Spotify!
It automatically comes with two koozies: one that says HAVE FUN and one that says DON’T DIE. Keep both or give one to a friend – either sentiment is a good one. The blue-in-clear vinyl is almost gone, FYI!
Plus here’s our new song PWR CPLE!