What happens when we get sunshine
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Like most people I know, I’ve been thinking about two things lately: fascist violence and “the gay hockey show” aka Heated Rivalry. When you're not investing in Stand With Minnesota or your local community, a gay romance series is a great palate cleanser.
If you haven’t watched it yet… how? But also, spoilers ahead.
Heated Rivalry gives us the non-tragic, hot, queer love story we've been waiting for. It's comforting in a way that feels almost medicinal. So I’ll start by saying that I really don’t want to diminish that. I love this show. I’ve watched it three times.
As much as I think the show really leans on fantasy, you might not know that the moment between Hunter and Kip after winning the championship is very close to the public kiss between women’s soccer player Megan Rapinoe and her then girlfriend Sue Bird after she won the Women’s World Cup in 2019. That wasn’t even very long ago and it seemed like a Really Big Deal when it happened.
I keep coming back to this moment in the season where things begin to shift and real life starts to kick in. Ilya asks Shane to stay over, makes him a tuna fish sandwich, then uses his first name for the first time, and it completely rocks Shane. Because suddenly it's not just forbidden hookups and stolen moments, it's domestic. It's real. It's sandwiches and morning routines and figuring out when hockey practice is.
They've only ever known how to care for each other in the context of secrecy. They know hookups and yearning (so much yearning!) and sneaking around, but they don't know each other's daily rhythms. They don't know how the other person processes conflict or bad news or a random Tuesday. And the show ends right as they're starting to figure that out, right as Ilya calls Shane his boyfriend, right as the forbidden part disappears.
So what going to happen when it's not special anymore?
I wonder how many people watched this show and immediately started reassessing their own relationships. How many people thought, "I deserve someone who wants me like that, who'd fight for me like that," and are now leaving partnerships that felt meh or mediocre in comparison. How many people are thinking about the limerence involved in their own “the one who got away” and making a break for it?
And maybe some of those people are right to leave. But I also wonder how many might mistake the routine of domestic partnership for mediocrity just because it doesn't come with artificial walls and secret meetings and so. much. yearning.
In forbidden love, the obstacles do some pretty heavy lifting. The secrecy makes everything more intense. The stakes feel higher. But that doesn't necessarily mean the love is deeper or more real than the person who makes you sandwiches and knows how you take your coffee and stays even when you’re hangry or flaky and some days are boring.
But I know it’s not just the epic romance vibes that are keeping fans hooked. Esther Perel posted a video where she talks about how the show presents "a beautiful corrective experience," meaning "the very response you wish you would receive." Every time someone takes a risk (Shane talking to his parents, having a panic attack, Kip getting tongue tied or frustrated, Hunter coming out publicly) the other people involved react exactly the way we want them to.
Ilya might be emotionally unavailable or complicated but he consistently sees Shane for where he is and meets him there. Shane’s mother’s only concern at the end of the day is what she did to make Shane feel he couldn’t talk to her. Hunter decides to come out rather than keep Kip hidden. Kip’s father (aka World’s Greatest Dad) presents full emotional maturity, support and love any time we ever see him on screen. All of our expectations are fulfilled, and that’s why we love it! I love it!
But in real life, people don't always have emotionally mature reactions. Your family doesn't always come around. The world isn't always safe for these moments. Your partner doesn't always show up the way you need them to, not because they don't love you, but because they're human and flawed and sometimes they're dealing with their own shit.
A queer narrative where it all works out is crucial. But in doing that so completely, so perfectly, it's also reinforcing romance myths that we should be questioning, right now especially.
It sells the fantasy that you'll only ever really love one person. Sure, Ilya's been with other people, but he says he only ever really loved Shane. Hunter has never brought anyone else home before. It's romantic as hell, but it's also reinforcing the same "one true love" narrative that's been fucking people up for generations.
It ultimately reinforces this idea that what really matters, at the end of the day, is finding your one person. Everything will be resolved through monogamous, domesticated partnership. But right now is when we all need the support of broader community more than ever. The bonds that hold people together as friends and neighbors allows us to fight back. Caring about and organizing with people beyond your household is absolutely critical right now.
The one storyline that breaks from this is Shane's relationship with his ex-girlfriend, Rose. She values their connection even after realizing they aren’t meant to be romantically involved. She has to explain to him that their connection has value even without romance or sex. That scene felt radical in a way the main romance didn't.
The show is doing important work by normalizing what falling in love actually looks like outside of heterosexuality, in contexts that aren't traditionally associated with queerness. That matters. But I keep wondering how we take the joy and comfort we get from this show and apply it to broader questions about how we actually want to structure our lives.
Because most of our relationships won't look like Shane and Ilya's. Most of us won't have that level of artificial drama or constant intensity or someone who reacts perfectly every single time. If you want to be on the relationship escalator, it usually looks like 6-12 months of being giddy and figuring out if someone can be a safer space, followed by sandwiches and morning routines and figuring out whose turn it is to take out the trash.
Or you might be building many relationships, each with their own place and purpose in your life. There may never be The One because there are Many.
I don't want to mistake the everyday work of loving someone for mediocrity just because it doesn't come with a Wolf Parade soundtrack forever. I don't want to overlook the complex, evolving nature of real commitment because I'm chasing the fantasy of one true love. And I definitely don't want to internalize the message that monogamous domesticity is the only way to structure a life, even if that's what the show is selling.
The season ends with Ilya and Shane driving away together, off into their future, and it gives me hope for the series. Heated Rivalry has the opportunity to use queerness to define different types of futures for these characters. Futures that don't have to follow the heterosexual romance playbook. Futures that could show us what it looks like when the forbidden aspect is gone and you still have to figure out how to be people together, not just lovers (sorry, that’s gross) in a dramatic narrative.
The show gives us mainstream cultural proof that queer stories can be hopeful, that we deserve to see ourselves choosing each other. But maybe the next step is taking that foundation and building something messier, something that reflects the actual expansive possibilities of queer life. Something that acknowledges that love can look like a lot of different things, and none of them require secret meetings or artificial obstacles to be real.
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PS - I'll talk about the absolutely epic use of Wolf Parade's "I'll Believe In Anything" throughout the series another time!