🖤 Why would I have patience for that nonsense?

Lauren Denitzio -

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The next four years are going to be intense for any dreams we have of world-building. For any hopes we have of liberation. For any vision of our own personal futures, good or bad, a lot could change.

We only have so much control over it, and while I don't discourage doing everything you can to not let the US descend into fascism, I've been thinking about what I do have control over in my immediate vicinity.

Spreading information on how to safeguard protections for families and reproductive rights. I've been sharing things online as I see them but places like Trellis Legal in PA is offering discounted estate planning for LGBTQ+ couples and you can visit youalwayshaveoptions.com to order abortion pills by mail, even before you need them.

Finding a local mutual aid network (easy lookup of some of them here) and thinking about the skills I have to contribute when needed, in addition to funds. I have a car that can transport gear and people, time to volunteer, design skills, and also love dogs (shelters sometimes need help!).

Protecting my time and mental bandwidth. I can't be of service to anyone else if I'm a stress-case. For me, this has looked like the following:

  • Creating an automation on my phone that after 20 minutes of opening a social media app it will just automatically close
  • Committing to a reasonable workout schedule as a bare minimum - an achievable goal that I put before other personal tasks
  • Setting hard boundaries on my hours with "work" commitments (no, I don't support myself on art alone, as lovely as that would be)
  • Creating screen time limits on my computer that make it basically unusable until 8am
  • Prioritizing my friends and saying yes to most invitations, especially now that I live in a rural area
  • Saying no to touring or performance opportunities that I know will be logistically stressful or just not the right fit

Prioritizing the kind of community I know is possible. The scene that my band is associated with is male dominated and it turns out it doesn't have to be that way. I know this. You know this. But sometimes it takes being in a room full of touring musicians that's 90% not men to remind me that queer, trans, and women-centered spaces are where I feel the most supported and hopeful. These spaces exist and it's entirely in my power to seek them out and stay within them.

If I see people posting about the bands and festivals that don't align with me, I'm muting them. I already don't accept offers to perform with certain artists but I want to be more vocal about it. When I see lineups that are the same ten dudes for the 50th time I'm just. not. going. even if I'm a fan of a few.

If the bands I'm playing with are encouraging stage diving when a lot of the crowd clearly isn't there for it, I'm saying something. I'm continuing to tell disruptive, disrespectful people to get the fuck out of our gigs, whether we're headlining or not.

When there is so much I can't control, so many unknowns for the future, why in the world would I have any patience for that nonsense? Why would I let anyone think for one moment that harmful, sexist, ableist, behavior is acceptable? Why?

I expect people to do better. So many things can feel like they're spiraling, but the places where people can just do better are so small and so easy and deserve zero excuses. The areas where I see people fail to make the effort to lift up others, to broaden their outlooks, to stay in 1995 at a basement show somewhere, are the places I can't stand to be anymore. I couldn't stand it before, and I certainly can't now.

Hang in there.

Have fun. Don't die,
Lauren

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